The Wisdom of Our Elders: More Important Now than Ever
By Audrey Stern
I am sitting at a small table across from Ralph, a 92-year-old resident at Newbridge on the Charles assisted living facility in Dedham, MA. After hearing about the Elderwise Project, he graciously volunteered to be interviewed and welcomed me into his apartment. His is my first interview and I feel nervous about how the process will unfold. I fumble with the microphone and tape recorder, double-checking that they are working. Although I come prepared with a long list of questions to spark conversation about his life and experience with aging, my thoughts turn to the enormous task of eliciting meaningful stories and wisdom in less than an hour. How will I know what is most important to ask about? Will Ralph feel comfortable sharing personal information with a stranger?
I begin by asking Ralph what brought him to assisted living. As Ralph takes me back in time, from retiring on the Cape after a successful teaching career to being a caregiver for a friend with Parkinson's Disease, I am drawn in to his stories. With each subsequent resident interview, I am increasingly able to set aside the scripted questions and let my genuine interest guide the dialogue. Most of what I have to do is be present and listen.
Elderwise, a pilot project on aging, was launched by Health Story Collaborative (HSC), a growing non-profit organization founded on the belief that storytelling promotes health. Established by Dr. Annie Brewster, an internal medicine physician at Massachusetts General Hospital, HSC is grounded in scientific research that supports the health benefits of narrative, not only for individuals telling their stories but for listeners as well. Since its inception in 2013, HSC has provided various platforms for individuals to share their experience navigating illness, with the hope that shared stories can be psychologically healing and provide valuable lessons to other people and families facing health challenges. With Elderwise, the focus is on aging rather than illness. However, in the same spirit of HSC, the goal is to provide participants with a sense of purpose, a feeling of connection, and a chance to be heard.
Ralph and the other five contributors to Elderwise, interviewed in 2019, all reside in the assisted living facility at Newbridge, a predominantly Jewish, well-educated community. Beyond those similarities, though, they come from diverse backgrounds. With an age range of 76 to 96 years, they have lived through myriad triumphs and tribulations, which gives them a perspective that most younger people do not have. They not only have familiarity with aging but also knowledge about how to survive difficult times.
Just as their life journeys have been unique so too has their experience with growing older. Some residents referred to the positives of this phase of life, such as living closer to family and having time to explore hobbies and learn new skills. That said, none were immune to the difficulties of getting older. They each faced stressors in one form or another, such as illness, reduced mobility, and loss of loved ones. Several participants reported that, although they appreciated the care, transitioning to assisted living was an adjustment. They missed the freedom to come and go on their own schedule and the close friendships they had in the past. Some residents alluded to feeling lonely at times. By and large, though, they were coping with the challenges of this stage of life and adapting well.
The residents' resiliency can be traced to their ability to draw upon lessons learned from earlier events in their lives. For example, growing up as an only child prepared Leonora for living alone. Although she envies people with siblings, she believes it is important to make the best of your situation, do what you can do, and not dwell on what you can't control. She is not able to walk well anymore, but she is able to keep up with her quilting. Having faced discrimination, Saundra is not afraid to speak up for herself and others. And Evelyn, who never married, emphasizes the value of good friends. As a lifelong traveler, she credits the high points of her life to a willingness to take chances and try new things.
I walked away from each interview surprised by how enriching it was. As much as I understood the value of listening to people's stories, I had not anticipated the extent to which their advice would speak to me. I had volunteered for Elderwise to do good for others, hoping to be a supportive presence and make a small dent in combatting the loneliness that can occur in assisted living facilities. Yet at the completion of the project, I felt as if I had gained the most.
Now more than ever, I am grateful for having had the opportunity to meet these six individuals and listen to their rich insights. As COVID-19 has hit older people particularly hard, visitors are no longer allowed. Moreover, like many nursing homes and assisted living residences, the Newbridge community has tragically lost some residents to the virus, including Bunny, a 96-year-old woman who sat with me to share her stories for this project. Despite chronic health impairments, she welcomed the opportunity to help out. In doing so, she left behind a moving reflection on her life and a lasting legacy for her family.
After more than nine weeks of quarantine, the residents at Newbridge are still confined to their apartments. Meals and mail are disinfected and delivered to their doors. Programming is broadcast through a cable channel. It is a lonely time with no known end point. I cannot help but worry about how they are holding up.
Recently, I picked up the phone and called Ralph. We hadn't spoken in more than four months when I visited with photographer, Jennifer Jordan, who took pictures of the residents for the project. Coronavirus wasn't a known threat back then, not in the U.S. at least. I asked him if he remembered who I was. Of course, he said with a warm laugh. He explained that his days were long and mundane, filled with a lot of television. Occasionally, he met up with a resident for a social-distance chat outside. There were other catastrophic diseases he had witnessed in his lifetime, such as polio, but the effects of this virus might just be the worst. But then Ralph shared an optimistic message, reminiscent of advice he gave during his interview: "Life has a way of turning around. Look how far we've come since mid-March. We will get through it."
As our elders must isolate for their safety, the repercussions are felt deeply among all of us. Without social support and opportunities to contribute positively to their communities, older people may feel invisible or disposable. And we lose too. We miss out on learning from their stories and wisdom. The mission of the Elderwise Project, to celebrate and honor the voices of older people, has never felt more important.
Watch video here
Credits: current-day photographs by photographer Jennifer Jordan